Collection Of Windows Jokes - Songs

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1. ...sagt Bill Gates

   Mit freundlicher Genehmigung von Dieter Schlabonski. © by Dieter Schlabonski

   (Zitat von Dieters Webseite: Melodie: "Das bißchen Haushalt" von irgendsoner Schnepfe, deren Namen mir zu merken ich bewußt ablehne)

   Das bißchen Booten kann so schlimm nicht sein (sagt Bill Gates)
   Drei Stunden Appteim sind doch schon recht fein (sagt Bill Gates)
   Ein bißchen Windows ist nicht ganz so schlimm wie AIDS
   Nun seid zufrieden - sagt Bill Gates 
   
   Der Stand der Technik ist noch nicht so weit (sagt Bill Gates)
   Neu formatieren braucht halt etwas Zeit (sagt Bill Gates)
   Knöpfchen drücken, Stündchen warten, und schon geht's
   Das ist doch spitze - sagt Bill Gates 
   
   Und was Bill Gates sagt, das stimmt genau
   Ich muß das wissen, ich hab das Zeug geklaut 
   
   Und freie Software taugt doch wirklich nichts (sagt Bill Gates)
   Niemand verdient dran? Wo ist da der Witz? (fragt Bill Gates)
   Wo Linux Platten braucht, braucht Ennteh gleich mal RAIDs
   Das' gut fürs Bissneß - sagt Bill Gates 
   
   Und was Bill Gates sagt, das stimmt genau
   Ich muß das wissen, ich hab den Ramsch verkauft 
   
   Doch ich beschwer mich, ich schreib jetzt nen Brief (an Bill Gates)
   Denn dem sein Weltbild hängt doch reichlich schief - Dear Bill Gates:
   Your bloated software almost everybody hates.
   Na und? Ich herrsche! Sagt Bill Gates. 
   

2. Won't Boot Anymore

   © by Erik Meltzer, but Freeware... :-)

   (To the melody of Sheryl Crow - Can't Cry Anymore)

   I went ahead
   and crashed my Windows
   That's not too bad
   but this one thing does it not do
   It won't boot anymore
   
   Seems like it's time
   to reinstall it
   Not that I'd mind
   if then once more its work it'd do
   But it won't boot anymore
   
    Wouldn't it be good if I could get myself a Macintosh
    Say goodbye ninety-five
    Well so much for pretending
    Cause this crap's neverending
    And I know that
   
   I'm buying updates
   but I can't help it
   With each thing new
   another's failing and now
   It won't boot anymore
   
   Well
   Got an Atari
   It makes no problems
   It's running fine
   not like this piece of shit of mine
   Which won't boot anymore
   
    Wouldn't it be good if I could get myself a Be OS
    Say goodbye ninety-five
    Well so much for pretending
    Cause this crap's neverending
    It's neverending...
   
   Well
   It could be worse
   I could have data losses
   But still it hurts
   when I want to do something but now
   It won't boot anymore
   
    Wouldn't it be nice if I could sing myself a Rhapsody,
    "Goodbye Ninety-Five"
    Well so much for pretending
    Cause this crap's neverending
    And all this time I'll be standing
    Thinking the next release is going to fix this bug and mend it
   
   It won't boot anymore...
   

3. Windows 95

   © by Erik Meltzer, but Freeware... :-)

   (To the melody of Depeche Mode - The Policy of Truth)

   You had something to save
   You should have backed it up shouldn't you?
   Now your OS misbehaved
   You could be fired now couldn't you?
   
     It's now time to pay the price
     For not listening to advice
     And trying to get by
       using Windows 95
   
   It used to be so easy now
   Until this crash reminded you
   Now you'll have to tell them how
   Those fancy gadgets blinded you
   
     It's too late to change events
     It's time to face the consequence
     For deciding to be bright
       and use Windows 95
   
     Never, you said, could you go wrong with 3.1
     Never, you said, could you go wrong with 3.1
   
   Now you're standing there disc gone
   You'd better learn your lesson well
   Get a JAZ drive before long
   Or an OS not from hell
   
     You'll see your problems multiply
     If you continually decide
     To never say goodbye
       to your Windows 95
   
     Never, you said, could you go wrong with 3.1
     Never, you said, could you go wrong with 3.1
   

4. Running Windows

   © by Erik Meltzer, but Freeware... :-)

   (To the melody of Billy Joel - The Downeaster Alexa)

   Well I boot this machine running Windows
   And God knows just how long it will take
   Though I never believed in a God yet
   And if I did this machine He'd forsake
   
     I had three crashes and a blue screen yesterday
     And since last Friday all the mail has stayed away
     It's life as usual but I can't help wonder why
     For alternatives we do not even try
   
   Instead I try to make do running Windows
   And yes I can, more or less, most of times
   I have learned to avoid many problems
   But I'll be damned if I'll call it alright
   
     My OP list has a length nobody knows
     I know that bug is there, but where I can't disclose
     There ain't much future without switching to NT
     But I've got users in Heilbronn who count on me
   
   So if you see my machine running Windows
   On the 'Net searching drivers or games
   Don't winnuke it and tell me, 'Use Linux!'
   Man I'd love to but I can't escape
   
   (yay-ho...)
   
   And now I fight my machine running Windows
   Every day, every night of the year
   And I miss that ten-year-old Atari
   Cause it never unnerved me like here
   
     I must close now, there is work left to be done
     And though programming used to be a lot of fun
     It now is tedious, that's the price I have to pay
     For being a programmer in 1998
   
   (yay-yay-yay-ho...)
   

5. Gadgetry

   © by Erik Meltzer, but Freeware... :-)

   (To the melody of Fool's Garden - Lemon Tree)

   I'm sitting here in a boring room
   Where everything runs Windoze and not even Doom
   I'm wasting my time I got nothing to do
   Cause each time I try I have to reboot
   And each machine that crashes
   Makes me wonder
   
   I'm sitting here I miss the power
   Well there's a hundred Mips inside that tower
   But there's a heavy system overhead
   It's doing no work but swapping instead
   And each time that it's hanging
   Well I wonder
   
     I wonder how, I wonder why
     Everything is different and the papers fly
     And all that I can see
     Is just this stupid gadgetry
   
     I point and click, it makes a sound
     I think it's quite okay but then it crashes down
     And booting up I see
     The DOS beneath the gadgetry
   
   I'm not quite the one to criticize
   After all I'm just one of these other guys
   Who can't escape the Gates of Hell
   When all I really want is a command line shell
   There's animated icons
   And I wonder
   
     Resignation
     Is what I really fear
     Fascination
     Is what I want instead of gadgetry
   
   Life could be fulfilled with joy
   If there was a way that I could trash this toy
   And get a real computer
   Well I wonder
   
     I wonder how, I wonder why
     They got so big and ugly while nobody tries
     To give us what we need
     Instead of fancy gadgetry
   
     A crash an hour seems normal here
     But everyone accepts it due to stupid fear
     Of systems that don't need
     That neverending gadgetry
   

6. NT

   © by Erik Meltzer, but Freeware... :-)

   (To the melody of Pink Floyd - Another Brick in the Wall)

   Atari´s gone across the Hades
   Leaving just a memory
   Of systems working without hard disk
   And multitasking within one MB
   
   Jack, why'd you take the dough and flee?
   
     All that's now left to see is the pain named NT
     All that's now left to see is the pain named NT
   
   We don't need no System.Ini
   We don't need no Registry
   No animations and no Wizards
   Hello Billy, won't you leave us be?
   
   Bill, go away and leave us be
   
     The one thing I'll never buy is the pain named NT
     The one thing I'll never try is the pain named NT
   
   I don't need no Sun to warm me
   I don't need no Mac to calm me
   My NeXT computer won't be a PC
   After all there's still a place to Be!
   
     And what I'll never feel is the pain named NT
     And what I'll never know is the pain named NT
   

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