Legacy web pages of Axel Beckert
Since I'm no more active at the Fachschaftsrat Informatik of
the University of Saarland anymore, I have transferred all my
university time legacy web pages from
http://fsinfo.cs.uni-sb.de/~abe/ to this interim host
at http://fsinfo.noone.org/~abe/ with only minimal
modifications, mainly e-mail addresses.
Most pages on this interim host won't be updated anymore until they
are moved (and redirected) step by step to their
future home somewhere under http://noone.org/.
Please also note that my former e-mail address
no more valid. Use email@example.com
Beckert, Zürich, 23rd of September 2007
Collection Of Windows Jokes - Jokes and Sayings: English
To be continued...
- In a world without walls and fences - who needs windows
- Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working
properly if you open Windows.
- My SPARCstation has air condition. No need to open windows.
- Windows 95 Source Code
- Windows means "Work is never
done on Windows systems"
- Customer: I'm running Windows 95...
Customer: ...and now my computer stopped working!
Helpdesk: Yes, you already said that.
- Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for.
- "Windows for dummies", another term of "this sentence no verb"
- Microsoft broke Volkswagen's world record:
Volkswagen only made 22 million bugs!
- IBM creates Operating Systems - MS-DOSn't
- Have you reinstalled your Windows today?
- How do you fix all Windows bugs at once?
deltree /y \
- Windows 95 the most popular virus on the market today.
- Windows95 - Plug and pray...
(Bastian Kleineidam aka Calvin)
- Windows - The colorful clown suit for DOS
- Windows - a solitaire game that requires 16 MB and HD
- Windows - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy
BTW: Like Unix freaks like the
.login file, Windows users like the
SHELL=C:\WINDOWS\SOL.EXE line in their
SYSTEM.INI file. %-))
- Windows - so intuitive you only need a meg of help files!
- If Windows is user-friendly, why do you need a 678-page manual?
- "Fer sail cheep, Windows spel chekcer, wurks grate"
- The word "Windows" is a word out of an old dialect of the Apaches.
It means: "White man staring through glass-screen onto an
- Windows =Waste in DOS WorkSpace
- Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows
- Alt-F4. Just do it.
- Double your drive space: Delete Windows!
- Microsoft is to Software as McDonalds is to Cuisine
- Does someone know the cheats for Windows95?
- This is an airconditioned room - Do not open Windows!
- This virus requires Microsoft Windows 3.x
- OS/2 VirusScan -- "Windows found: Remove it? [Y,Y]"
- Favorite Windoze game: "Guess what this icon does?"
- Windows95 - crash compatible on Windows 3.x
- Windows NT - Nice Try
- Windows - a virus with mouse support
- Windows is for fun, OS/2 is for getting things done
- Windows vs OS/2 = Michael Jackson vs Mike Tyson
- The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it
displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.
- Microsoft is not the answer.
Microsoft is the question.
"No" is the answer!
- McAfee-Question: Is Windows a virus?
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences:
- They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
- Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing
down the system as they do so - okay, Windows
- Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard
disk - okay, Windows does that too.
- Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user,
along with valuable programs and systems.
Sigh... Windows does that, too.
- Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect
their system is too slow (see 2.) and the user
will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows,
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient
and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug.
- Last words of a Windows user:
- Why does that work now?
- Where do I have to click now? - There?
- Guess what this icon does...
- Message box: "Data not completely delete? Yes - No" --- User: "No - ey - Yes"
- Microsoft gives you Windows... OS/2 gives you the whole house
- Some windows were made to be broken
- Turn your 486 into a Gameboy: Type WIN at
- Data to Picard: "No, Captain, I do NOT run WINDOWS!"
- Bugs come in through open Windows
- Windows '97 will also have artificial intelligence, e.g.:
- Unable to FORMAT A: Having a go at C:
- Can't Compress Hard Drive but don't worry I'll delete all files over size 50,000 that'll give you some space.
- How do you make Windows faster? --- Throw it harder!
- Windows95 is out! (PC Magazine, April 2013)
- Windows95: New look, same multicrashing
- Windows95 will be released as soon as Windows 3.1 finishes loading
- Windows95 - Every function is a restart function...
- Windows95 does really have preemptive Multitasking: It can boot and crash at the same time.
- Windows NT - Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty
- Windows NT? New Technology? I don't think so...
- Windows - Just another pain in the glass
- Windows - Turn your Pentium into an XT...
- Windows - The Gates of hell
- Windows - From the people who brought you EDLIN!
- Windows - a XT emulator for an AT
- If Windows sucked it would be good for something
- DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows 3.1
- DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1 - A turtle and its shell
- Windows Multitasking - screwing up several things at once
- Windows found - remove? (Y)es (S)ure (F)ine (O)K
- Windows has the ability to screw up 2 things at the same time!
- If I wanted Windows, I'd live in a greenhouse!
- Microsoft's marketing: "Windows is SEMI-shareware"
- Are you using Windows or is that just an XT?
- Have you crashed your Windows today?
- Relax... you are entering a windows free zone
- OS/2... Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates
- New from McAfee: WinScan - Removes all Windows programs
- New Windows 4.0: programmed in Turbo Logo++
- My latest screen saver: Curtains for Windows
- If Windows 95 doesn't start shipping soon, it might be Curtains 95.
- Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile!
- I'll never forget the 1st time I ran Windows, but I'm trying...
- I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better
- I can't wait for EDLIN to be ported for Windows
- Father, forgive me, I've been caught using Windows...
- Exhibitionists love Windows
- Despite my car having windows, it still isn't mouse driven!
- Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore...
- Beat me, whip me, make me use Windows!
- A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle
- Difference between a virus and windows? Viruses rarely fail.
- Newsflash: Microsoft announces Visual Edlin for Windows
- Time on your hands? Get Windows!
- Hiroshima '45 - Tschernobyl '86 - Windows '95
- What's the best of Windows95? The deinstaller!
- Why is the Pentium 166 so fast? - It's for booting faster, if Windows crashed again.
- What is the difference between Jurassic Park and Microsoft? - One is an over-rated high tech theme park based on prehistoric information and populated mostly by dinosaurs,
the other is a Steven Spielberg movie.
- How many Windows PC owners does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, as long as you explain it's Plug'n'Play... they get
confused if it doesn't come with a driver disk...
- How do Microsoft employees exchange a bulb? Not at all...
Bill Gates declares darkness as a standard.
- Help! There are Windows everywhere! In my car, my house
- Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither did I!
- Mouse not present - click twice to continue...
- Who the fuck is General Failure? And why is he reading my harddisk?
- What's the difference between windows '95 and highly destructive unstoppable virus? About 90 Megs of hard disk space.
- Coming soon: EDLIN for Windows
- I've got two Windows hardware emulators! Really! They works much more reliable than the original: one for Windows 3.11, one for Windows95.
Unfortunately they have superscriped the emulator keys wrongly, so that on the Windows 3.11 emulator key "TURBO" and on the Windows 95 emulator is written "RESET"...
But doesn't matter, works great.
- Windows, it's not pretty, it's not ugly, but it's pretty ugly.